Joan was quizzical,
Studied pataphysical
Science in the home.
Late nights all alone with a test tube,
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Maxwell Edison,
Majoring in medicine,
Calls her on the phone.
"Can I take you out to the pictures,
Jo-o-o-oan?"
But, as she's getting ready to go,
A knock comes on the door.

Bang! Bang!
Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head.
Clang! Clang!
Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead.

Back in school again,
Maxwell plays the fool again,
Teacher gets annoyed.
Wishing to avoid
An unpleasant sce-e-e-ene.
She tells Max to stay
When the class has gone away,
So, he waits behind.
Writing fifty times,
"I must not be so-o-o-o."
But, when she turns her back on the boy,
He creeps up from behind.

Bang! Bang!
Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head.
Clang! Clang!
Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead.

P.C. Thirty one
Said, "We've caught a dirty one."
Maxwell stands alone.
Painting testimonial pictures,
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Rose and Valerie,
Screaming from the gallery,
Say he must go free.
The judge does not agree
And he tells them so-o-o-o.
But, as the words are leaving his lips,
A noise come from behind.

Bang! Bang!
Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon his head.
Clang! Clang!
Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that he was dead.